i hope that this blog would be kept to my deepest darkest secrets, not a war blog.

i certainly feel guilty for neglecting you sometimes.

its not fair that you say when i need you, i go to you because its not true.
in fact, i take the effort to go online all the time when i can be watching tv.

haiz.

sometimes i want you to give me a visit or something.

is it that hard?
u're sick, i wanna go down to your area sometimes.
i wish you would let me go to your house sometimes.
i think its you being shy at times, and maybe me sometimes and you feel uncomfortable because you do not have your own room that you do not want me over.
i understand.
but that shy feeling of mine, its getting worse that i do not have the urge to go over to your place sometimes already, plus you do not want me to go down because ure afraid that its troublesome for me that makes me have no urge to visit you sometimes.

i want to shut up sometimes,
but i do not know why i can't stop.
pissing you off sometimes give me joy because im pissed and i think that you are being too dramatic at times.
plus, i think that you are thinking the wrong way sometimes and i want to correct your thinking.
can't you take it that im trying to correct your mistakes?
no, u go make a big hoo-ha about me neglecting you and being emo there.
thats why i call that drama.

dun worry, i can put up with that cos i've learnt to accept you,
hopefully to be there when you are down,
if ONLY YOU TOLD ME WHY!

i kept asking what happened today during my free time and guess what?
i did not have an answer. =(

somehow i think that after 10 days,
if we successfully not talk to each other,
we would not make it back together.

i want u.
but whether u want me, is up for you to choose.

ure just thinking all about u doing more in this r/s.
u nv think of how i feel.

wrong or right?
i dun wanna be the winner or what.
its not about winning/losing/being wrong/right.

its more about being sensitive or not.
ure too sensitive for me.
im sarcastic.
i want you to visit me sometimes.

its good enough for me to visit you.
now you expect me to visit you.
im not comparing,
but i'd like u to visit me sometimes in jurong.

when have u like visited me?
i want to bring you around here?
i've got no time because of school.
my timing is uncertain, true.
you know that i have no time sometimes,
can't you like come down here instead?

dun tell me that i cannot spare u like 1 or 2 hours?

think about it.
im not as ego as u think i am.
for me, its all about reasoning.

beat me in words and i would listen.
if not, i wouldn't.
its not that i dun take things seriously.
its more about not being so drama to creating a big din.

seriously.

i alr put him in 1st place all the time.

being unreasonable to asking me to choose between all?

Family - cousin's daughter 1 year old bday, u think not important?
everyone would ask about you.

My friend's birthday - i could compromise of not going to the pub if u dislike me drinking.

i dun see how fair this is.

u haven't tell me where i went wrong.

u can't seem to tell me properly at all times and expect me to guess.

i put 1 scenario for u there before of asking u to guess what i want out of u but u couldn't do it.

how can i too?

ok,  i think that i can't accept all these.

the only thing i went wrong is sometimes being rude to u and neglect u sometimes.

but its about me and school.
i want to pass too although being late and everything.
FYP is important.
U dun seem to care.
talking about ego, urs is more important than mine cos ure putting like everything on me.
as long as im not with u or im too busy to talk for the whole day, u'll be there like unhappy or upset.
whenever i bring this up, u would ask me not to assume.
come on, i know that ure unhappy and am doing something about it or trying
u dun see me change at all
come on, u are not changing at all
i just dun think breaking up like that is fair to me because im not really in the wrong and u gave me like the hell passport which is advancing me to hell, pushing me into their jail out of nth.
i really wanna hear ur full explanation.
but u nv given me 1 before except saying that u have anxiety or wat shit.
im accepting it.
are u accepting me?
no.
i dun prove myself worthy.
i dun prove myself anywhere too.

whatever.
Peace be on me.

this happened like so quickly.

i wish u just give me a chance to explain.

i know that im going to miss u.

if thats ur decision, i'll respect it.

it sucks.

u're killing me.

meeting 1 time a week?
wow, i used to think that 1 time a week is enough with valid reasons.

now ure not wanting to see me just because u have no money and refused my visit to u.

im not the sticky kind, but it sucks because u complain that i dun date u in the 1st place and almost like `10 dates i set, 1 date u accept all reject.

i just hope that we wun fade.

im clinging on because i love u and would accept who u are.
i hate it.

i just have to shut up while talking to u.
make u happy.
not stand for myself, if that is what u want.

im really spooked out because im busy today and because of the quarrel ytd.

i feel so distant with u and whenever ure sad or something, im insecure.

especially when u were like talking about breaking up or something.

im sure ure thinking about it.

i hope not. =)

haiz..

i really duno what u want.

i wanna try to give in more.

i got neglect u meh.

everytime sad. i dun get u. zzzzzzzz.

somehow, i hate to write in here.
cos its all those sad things.

so anyways, i duno.
i feel suffocated.

i thought u could accept me for who i am,
whatever i say,
take it so seriously

i dun feel like talking sometimes.
i thought 2 being together is like relaxed or watever,
not being tensed.
things that i dislike,
can't i just say it out?
fight for myself?

simple things like that,
u cannot accept.
i dun blame.
im just making things i say as a point.
u say i make u feel like a girl by saying all these.

u only know how to think about urself.
what about me?
things that u do,
i do too.

so?

a few hours is actually hard to pass.

i did slp, just that i jus wake up too.

i hope i get an answer from u quick, or u really wake up to tell me.

i hope my dream was not true.

i really do hope that i did not delete my message accidently.

i guess its time that i let u read this blog.

its not of a purpose,

but to tell u how much i love u

sorry,
i regret it now.

ure not a toy.

but sometimes i really do have that thinking.

i want u to be decisive for once.
ur bday, i was happy but i was unhappy because we decided on the big o but duno why still wanna walk here and there to find food.
sorry that its chui, im really sorry.

but regarding honey's bday.
maybe its a torture, i duno.
its prolly like me going to school, everyone dun like i still go.

i've decided to not go for everything.

im calm, but i feel like shit too.
i duno why.

if compromising is that hard, seriously, i guess it is really hard to live together cos there would be more problems.
my dream life would be going out with u and sometimes maybe bringing u with my friends to partys.
no drinks.
honey is ur kind, innocent, non-drinker, non-smoker and everything.

u dun give me a chance.

actually after we "broke up" actually i put the inverted commas "" cos i refuse to accept that fact.
but i must.

u told me that its a step to u changing.
ok i'll give u a chance.
but would u give me 1 more chance?

i wish u to be decisive and firm.
when i let u decide,
just decide.
by deciding when i let u, it doesn't mean that ure not respecting me btw.

i duno wat to say about this.
whats done is undone.

im letting u decide whether u want me or not.
can?